That Made My Heart Smile

Every Wednesday morning, my first graders circle up on the perimeter of our colorful rug to do their ‘mirror work.’

Mirror work is a critical component of learning to love yourself and I make sure that we are all focused on this activity at least once a week. We have a mirror in a frame and we gently pass the mirror around the circle to each person in the classroom, including myself and a TA in the classroom. The goal is to look in the mirror and give the person staring back at you a genuine compliment. I tell the kids that I don’t want them to compliment the clothes that they wear or  the ‘things’ upon their bodies that were bought for them. Instead, I want them to look into their own eyes and give themselves a compliment or reassurance that they are awesome. I do this because I want them to know that they are amazing just as they are and instead of searching for approval outside of themselves, they ultimately learn to approve of themselves from within (priceless).

You go through your every day life and you just never know what sticks and whether or not you are truly making a difference. As a teacher, I often wonder how much my students actually absorb from academic curriculum and more important-my 7 Essentials curriculum.

However, yesterday I was pleasantly surprised during our mirror work time.

You see, aside from ‘mirror work’ on Wednesday mornings, my students also choose a daily affirmation each morning and I also incorporate the 7 Essentials into my daily routine with them.

Yesterday, a child came up to choose an affirmation randomly from our deck of affirmation cards (www.magnificentcreations.com) and the affirmation that was chosen for the day was, “I am unique.”

As usual, I asked the kids to tell me what they thought the word meant and here are some of their responses;

1) “It means you are perfect just the way you are.”

2) “It means you are special.”

3) “Unique means you are one of a kind.”

Upon hearing some of those definitions my heart began to smile and then I asked them to circle up for their mirror work and more than half of the class looked in the mirror and used one of those definitions while speaking to the person in the mirror-themselves.

My heart smiled BIG!

There’s nothing more rewarding as a teacher than to see your pupils standing in their own light and radiating. It’s nice to know that my students DO listen-at least to the good stuff! 🙂

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

Raising the AHA Generation: Is that a good thing?

When you hear Aha, you may think it is a good thing because ‘Aha’ usually means that you are becoming aware of something, but when you hear what AHA stands in this article, I’m not so sure you’ll feel the same way…

As a school teacher of 15 years I have seen many changes through my career. I have seen staggering changes in education, expectations, learning styles and overall behavior of our children. In the past few weeks I have become critically aware of three important elements that I see clear across the board with our current generation that need to be addressed; (I could write another book on this but I will keep it short and sweet for now)

• Today’s children are generally anxious. Kids always want to know what is coming next and why they are doing what they are doing in that moment. They worry about the simple things in life yet do not pay attention to the details that can help them to feel secure. They have more fears today then we had in our childhood and they look for others to solve their problems because they are afraid that they don’t have the tools to do so on their own.
• Kids of today are learning to be helpless. Their minds are in three different places at once and they therefore struggle to focus on one thing at a time. Perhaps this is because they are so anxious that they are not in the moment. Maybe they are too focused on the past and too fearful of the future to stay in the present moment, or perhaps they have just learned that they don’t have to do things for themselves because the adults will do it to get it done on their timeline
• Today’s children are angry. There are many times in a day when I am putting fires out because someone has been ‘rubbed the wrong way’ or is upset because they didn’t get their way. They easily bark at one another instead of talking things out and listening to the ideas of others. Our children of today go from joy to anger in a matter of minutes and then back to joy when they get their way once again. It’s truly remarkable how they’ve learned to use anger as a bargaining chip.

So there you have it, the AHA generation in a nutshell. Maybe that wasn’t the Aha you were expecting but it’s something we certainly need to look at.

Now, where did this come from?

In my opinion, our kids are learning from us! Think about your average day and the amount of stress you are under. We run from one activity to another. We speak so quickly that we often wonder if we are making sense and we never make time to just BE. We have become Human Doings instead of Human Beings because we are trying to do way too much in our lives. Doesn’t that make you feel anxious?

And think about it… if you are anxious…if your child’s teachers are anxious…if the world spins this quickly daily and everybody is running in different directions…aren’t we all creating an anxious environment for our children to grow in?

How could they not develop deep anxiety in life with these circumstances?

We put pressure on our children from the moment they enter school with academic testing (if not sooner based upon our own expectations). We constantly rush them from one activity to another because, well, hey that’s just what we do today. We never take time to sit and quiet our minds or teach our children to quiet their minds yet we expect them to relax and just be kids when they do have ‘down time’. Hmmmm, how are they to do that when even they are under so much pressure?

Let’s talk about learned helplessness– I don’t believe that we have done this on purpose, but it seems that we are always making excuses for our children’s behaviors or seeking a label to explain those behaviors instead of addressing the issues and teaching them how to problem solve. Our kids are over stimulated with electronics and under stimulated with human connection! We often ask our children to do something and then when we realize it hasn’t been done, we do it ourselves because we are in a hurry and it’s just quicker that way. But, what are we creating with this behavior?

How about those angry kids? We are so hell bent on making sure that our children don’t experience what we experienced and we are so concerned with ‘fairness’ that we have forgotten that sometimes life isn’t fair and we all need to learn how to roll with the punches and go with the flow because sometimes things just don’t work out the way you intend.

Now, if you know anything about me, you know that I don’t like to complain about something without having a solution. So, what can we do?

We need to teach our kids how to be Problem Solvers.

We need to stop taking their power away by answering for them or doing it for them and start empowering them to believe in themselves and speak their truth. The world isn’t always fair but our present circumstances do not have to determine our future and learning to overcome obstacles in life can only build strong character. Give your kids their power back and stop solving their problems for them. Instead, give them the tools that they need to be successful in life.

• When they come to you to ask you if their picture/work is good don’t give them an answer. Instead, get down on their level and say, “What do YOU think about your picture?” Allow them to talk about their work and share their pride. This will teach them that their opinion matters and they don’t have to seek approval outside of themselves.

• When they feel disappointed or upset about something, don’t offer them the solution or try to make it better (and believe me I know this is hard). Instead, sit with them and allow them to feel their feelings without judgment, then ask them what they think they can do about the problem. Guide them to problem solve without giving them a direct solution. This will help them to feel empowered because they had a part in the solution. And as difficult as it is-because we all just want to make it better- it’s worth it in the long run because you are giving them tools for a lifetime. What is that old saying… “Give them a fish and they eat today but teach them to fish and they eat for an eternity!” (or something like that)

• Finally, practice the 7 Essentials (Ignite the Light: Empowering Children & Adults to be Their Absolute Best). Teach them to; 1) Love themselves, 2) Feel their feelings, 3) Quiet their minds, 4) Tune in to the energy and people around them, 5) Remove toxic thoughts, 6) Speak their truth, and above all…7) Plug in to their higher self or higher power.

I don’t want our kids to be anxious, helpless and angry. Instead, I would like to create a strong foundation for them so that they can grow up to have a healthy, productive, joyful life. Now that is a much better Aha, agree?

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

PS Please leave me your comments. I read them all and love hearing your thoughts!

www.vickisavini.com

Push the PAUSE Button

Mercury in retrograde, full moon, racing from one thing to the next…does it ever end?

Today I woke up a little later than usual and of course this put me behind the eight ball-so to speak- throughout the day. I felt like I was running from one thing to the next and as if life was a blur. Of course anything that could go wrong, went wrong, because isn’t that just how it goes?

I went into my classroom and tried to get ready for my 1st graders to come through the doors. I always like to make sure that when they walk through the door, they see a smile and not a rushing, crazy idiot!  Today, that was a challenge though.

I tried to print morning work and there was an issue with the printer. Next I tried to get online for a backup plan, but that didn’t work either. I rushed to find a solution and came up with something just in time, but the day was already spinning out of control.

After the kids came in and started on morning work I remembered that I had to do lovely progress monitoring. I pulled the iPod out of my drawer and had technical difficulties with that too. After wasting at least 30 minutes trying to get technology to work with me so that I could get the ‘data’ teachers are expected to report, I finally got things rolling, but it was clear that my energy needed a shift.

I progress monitored 6 students (tested them…oh I LOVE those tests) and then we were off to lunch. I was definitely on edge with the kids and that’s so NOT fair to them!

Every day after lunch and recess my kids have ‘Mindful Time’. This is a time that I dedicate solely to ‘quieting our minds’ (you can read about this in my book Ignite the Light)

Some days we lay our yoga mats on the ground and go to our ‘Happy Place,’ other days we do power yoga or color mandalas. I usually take this 10-15 minutes to breathe and release some tension or get ready for the next hour with the kids (ironically, I am not always mindful during mindful time). But today- TODAY was a day when Mindful Time really made the difference for me.

The kids came into the classroom and parked themselves on the community rug for instructions. I instructed them to use mandala’s to quiet their minds and then walked to my desk to ‘catch up’. Fortunately, I caught myself and decided that I too needed to practice mindfulness.

I announced to the kids that I was going to color a mandala today as well. I chose one, pulled out my crayons (that was really awesome-I love the smell of crayons) and began to color my mandala from the inside out. As I colored I shared some thoughts with the kids. They were so happy to have me join in as well and so intrigued by my coloring and choice of colors. I smiled to myself because of their excitement.

Time was up. I began to pack my crayons away and began counting down for the kids to do the same. When the kids came to the rug again for instructions something was different…I was different. My energy was now re-balanced and even though things were still ‘ticking’ me off throughout the afternoon with technology and testing, the edge was now gone!

This made me realize that we all need to push that pause button throughout the day. I literally sat and colored (yes, I colored with crayons) for about 10 minutes and suddenly life didn’t seem so tough after all.

Mindfulness doesn’t have to happen at the same time every day and it doesn’t have to happen in a certain way. Mindfulness just needs to happen. And the only way for us to be mindful is to sometimes hit the PAUSE button.

Try it. 10-15 minutes (even 5 minutes) in the middle of your stressful day can totally make all the difference in the world. Go ahead, pull out a box of crayons-I dare you!

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

PS Come visit me on my page and sign up for my newsletter so we can stay connected. I LOVE to hear from you!  www.vickisavini.com 

 

Why Can’t These Kids Listen?

I have always prided myself on my ability to see the world through the eyes of a child and create a peaceful, warm, loving environment within my classroom. A few years ago I earned the title of ‘The Mindful Teacher’ because I work so hard to stay in the present moment and I actually teach a mindfulness practice in my classroom for at least 20 minutes a day every day after lunch and recess-

Yet, Friday was truly a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day because my 1st graders just wouldn’t listen to a word I said.

This behavior had been building from about the middle of the week but on Friday I literally stood there at the front of my classroom wondering if I was stuck in a Charlie Brown cartoon because as I gazed at my students it appeared that they were simply hearing ‘wha wha wha wha wha’ (just like the cartoon) instead of the actual words I was saying. At one point I actually raised my voice (which never happens in my room) in order to get their attention. I was then quickly heart broken as I noticed that this was the only way that the kids respond to adults-when their voice is loud and they know they’ve crossed the line. That was the worst feeling ever and certainly not how Mrs. Savini’s classroom runs on a daily basis!

I decided to take a step back, ask some questions to my audience and go within. And here’s what I found-

Step 1: I asked this question on my facebook page, ‘Why do you think children are not good listeners in today’s society?’

And here are some responses:

‘Technology and chemicals in food have negatively changed the physiology and essentially rewired our brains.’ -Nicole

‘Too much technology not enough out doors and simply playing learning and exploring.’ -Cheryl

‘Because the world is so rushed and no one teaches them to stop and listen, to quiet their mind and hear what is being said before responding. Many children and adults are so busy forming their response in their head that the don’t listen well.’ -Teri

‘Probably because adults are poor examples – at least its one reason.’ -Elizabeth

Step 2: I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths and asked for answers from my higher self.

‘Dear Higher Self, 

What the hell is going on? Have I lost my magical touch? Is it a full moon?’

The answers came…

No it’s not a full moon and no you haven’t lost your magic touch. The truth is our kids are growing up in a hectic, busy society where everyone is a bit disconnected. Yes, the chemicals in the foods and environment are a factor and yes too much technology adds to their brains going astray, but the most important factor is YOU.

Hmmmmm. Well that’s certainly something to think about isn’t it?!

Have you ever gone out to dinner with your family and noticed the tables where parents are scrolling through their smartphones and kids are on electronics while waiting for their meals to come? I’m sure you’ve stood and watched people texting back and forth while they are sitting in the same room as well.

I remember a time when I was waiting to board a plane in a major airport. I noticed that many people were on electronics, busying their minds until their time was up. Then I turned and noticed a family of four sitting at a table; Mom was on her laptop, dad was on a kindle, the teen boy was also on a laptop and the youngest child (likely 8-9 years old) was on his iPod. They were not looking at each other, nor were they talking to one another. They were sitting in the same space, at the same table as a family, yet they were totally disconnected. Their flight was called and everyone packed up and walked away together, still not interacting. I had tears in my eyes as I watched this because it reminded me just how precious childhood is and that we are wasting it away by not connecting with the kids.

Where’s the connection nowadays (omg…did I just say that? I’ve turned into my mother…lol)? When do we look into each others eyes and share a moment of tenderness? When do we stop and truly listen to what the other person is saying? We need to get this back-we need to CONNECT and if we want our children to be better  listeners, then we need to listen better and model better.

After all of this pondering about the problem, the solution finally hit me-

My students need more mindfulness training than 20 minutes a day and I need to be more mindful to model this behavior for them!

The truth is, our kids have difficulty listening and are seemingly careless about life because they are growing up in a disconnected society where everyone is on the run and our minds are never in one place. We are running to a meeting, running to a practice, running to the grocery store, running-away.

We all need to STOP, BREATHE and just BE.

Here’s my new plan for Monday;

Instead of just practicing Mindfulness for 20 minutes or so after lunch and recess, I will practice throughout the day. I, myself will stay in the moment and serve as a strong model for my students. Each and every day moving forward, I will remind myself that the gift of life is the present moment. I will do this by posting this simple sign in my home, my car and of course, my classroom.

 

Why breathe? Because when we take a deep breath, we are brought back to the present moment.

My students aren’t deliberating ignoring me and we aren’t deliberately ignoring the children, but we are all disconnecting in some way, shape or form. It’s time to connect again. It’s time to breathe!

 

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Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

We Bonded Like Nobody’s Business Today

Today was the third full day of school for my first graders and it certainly was a memorable one…

The beginning of a school year can be very tiring–not only for the teachers–but more important, for the kids. There are lots of rules and practices to learn and it’s difficult to get back into a routine after a few months off from school.

I could definitely tell by mid-afternoon that my kids needed a break, so right around 2 pm I told them it was snack time.

I normally play soft therapeutic music in the background throughout the day to set a peaceful climate in the classroom for learning, but during snack time it looked like they needed a little Disco, so I popped in a CD of classic Disco music to lighten up the day.

The kids came alive and one little boy excitedly asked, “Mrs. Savini, are we going to play freeze dance?”

I turned to him, smiled and then replied, “What a terrific idea!”

I laid the ground rules about ‘safe dancing’ and let my fingers walk on the CD player for the music to begin.  The first song was Gloria Gaynor’s classic song, “I Will Survive.” 

The kids were hysterical to watch and their laughter was infectious.

A few songs later and we were all dancing around the room to ‘Le Freak.’ We were all bonding in a beautiful way that you simply don’t get from just the regular grind in the classroom. 

Just as I reached to pause the music for the freeze in our ‘Freeze Dance’ I notice a flicker of a light and the fire alarm went off!

The kids quickly followed procedure that we practiced the day before and headed to the door with our music still rocking on in the background.

We went outside smiling from ear to ear and waited to be called back into the building as patiently as we could.

As we walked into our building we could hear our music blaring from our classroom because the fire alarm was no longer sounding off. The kids looked at one another and then at me and we all chuckled.

My heart smiled because there was a hint of pride beaming from all of my lil’ 1st graders as they turned the corner and danced into our classroom.

They were proud that our room was rockin’ out and I was proud because they were one!

The truth is that our education system has a great deal of pressure right now, but we must always remember that we all learn best when we feel safe, accepted and loved for exactly who we are.

Today, my kids were Disco dancers, tomorrow, who knows…

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

When You Know You’ve Done Enough

It’s been only a few days since I have sent my 1st graders soaring into their summer vacation. This time of year is always difficult for me. People often say, “Mrs. Savini, you must be so excited because summer vacation is coming,” But the truth is, I always have mixed feelings. Of course, I look forward to the summer. This is the time of year that I am able to sleep a little later, decide what I want to do on a moment’s notice and spend lots of quality time with my own child, but I will also miss seeing my precious students smile every morning as well.

In the last week I often found myself dazing and wondering if I had done enough; Had I taught them enough writing? Had they learned all they needed to in math and reading? Most important, did they learn to believe in themselves, speak their truth and quiet their minds to go within and hear their soul speak?

It’s hard to know really. I teach 1st grade. My students are 6 and 7 years old and I am one of the first teachers they meet on their long journey of education. I started to wonder if they would truly remember the important lessons. Not the lessons of math, science, reading and writing, but the lessons of the heart and the lessons on believing in the person staring back at them in the mirror.

Instinctively, I found myself reviewing these important lessons voraciously as I wondered if they’d truly remember in the years to come and then the last day of school rolled along…

It was Thursday and I had a wonderful gift from the Universe as one of my previous students who had moved to another state came to visit on the last day of school. I was elated to see her and spend some time with her but I didn’t expect the gift she would bring.

On that last day of school, I went about my regular routine of signing autograph books, opening gifts and sharing fun stories with the kids and then after my students went off to gym for the last time in this year, my former student and I had a chance to visit and a beautiful gift unfolded.

We began to talk about her new surroundings and then she said, “Mrs. Savini, I will always remember your classroom and you. You always made us feel so safe and taught us to believe in ourselves.” My heart swelled as I realized in that moment that they do remember the important stuff, they really really do. 

I looked at the clock and realized we had to get the little ones. I smiled at my former student and then went to get the kids feeling much lighter than I had before.

When you put your heart and soul into your every day life. When you are mindful-present in the moment-and give children an experience instead of curriculum to remember, magic happens!

I now know that I no longer have to wonder if I’ve done enough. We are always enough when we are simply being ourselves. Thank you Kels. I love you! Mrs. Savini

Honoring the Light Within with Mindfulness

Wow, I just had an amazing conversation with my 8 year and I’m truly honored to be his mom.

This evening he came home from baseball practice and seemed a bit emotional. He said he got hit by a ball, but I knew in my heart it was more than that.

When we laid down to talk before bed I went with my gut (as I always tell parents to do because we know what’s going on with our kids more than we’d like to admit).

This is my sons first year in little league and it can be somewhat intimidating to try something new when others have been at it for a while. I turned to him and began to say those very words. As I talked he began to cry.

I stopped talking and opened my ears to listen to him intently. Sure, he may have been feeling a bit unnerved by this ‘new’ sport but it was more than that. What was bothering him most was that other kids were being mean to the ‘little kid’ on the team…

He started off by telling me that some kids were telling him what he was doing wrong and it hurt his feelings. It was then that I reminded him that if we are not part of the solution, we are part of the problem. He asked, “How am I part of the problem mom. They were putting me down?” I answered, “Yes, hunnie, that’s true, but you allowed it to affect you. You are part of the solution when you stand up for yourself and help others to stop and think about their own actions. You might have done that by saying, ‘thanks for the tip but I’m going to listen to the coach,’ ‘last I checked you weren’t a coach,’ or ‘wow, when did the Yankees draft you?” He liked that last one.

I thought we were through the woods but then he got really upset and began to sob uncontrollably. I reached out to him and asked what was wrong. He sadly replied, “Mommy, I was mean too. Some of the kids were making fun of the ‘little kid’ on the team and I agreed with them that he was small. I didn’t like the way it felt inside but I wanted them to like me. Mom, I was part of the problem!“

I smiled a bit and wiped his cheeks and said, “Yes hunnie you were part of the problem, but right now you are turning it around to become part of the solution.”

Many children (and adults-who are we kidding) never take the time to be mindful–present in the moment–and think about their thoughts, actions and feelings and my 8 year old was doing that on his own!

We then read my children’s book for the upteen-millionth time, The Light Inside of Me and hugged tightly at the end.

We all have a light deep within us that shines brightly when we come from a place of love and are living our truth and dims when we allow fear to take the helm. In short, when we feel good, we shine and when we feel bad, we are dim or we dim the lights of others.

The next time you see a dim light, be present in the moment. Be totally mindful of what you are thinking and feeling and then instead of reacting, respond with love.

I am so proud of my son this evening (and every other minute of his existence). Tonight and every night I feel honored to be his mom.

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

The Greater Message in ‘Frozen’

About 2-3 times a year I like to set up a week-end play date for my 1st graders. I find that it helps to build community and teaches them that Mrs. Savini is a real person who doesn’t live at school!

I asked the kids what they wanted to do and they wanted to see a movie, so we looked at the upcoming listings and chose ‘Frozen’ as our week-end play date.

Today, my son and I met my students and their families for a viewing of Frozen at the local theater.

I didn’t know what to expect because I didn’t take time to read about the movie before hand. I just went with Frozen because that’s what my kids chose. I must say I was pleasantly surprised and I honestly love the way the Universe works because the message in this movie reflects my daily teachings…

Frozen is a beautiful movie about two sisters learning some tough lessons in life. In the very beginning of the movie, Elsa, the older sister is chanting, “Conceal, don’t reveal” because she has been taught to do this to hide her magical powers-her true self. Of course, this was breaking my heart to listen to because I teach children and adults the exact opposite; believe in yourself and speak your truth!

As the movie progressed, Elsa stopped holding back and just let it all out. I have always taught my son to look for the deeper meaning or special message in a movie (especially Disney movies). About this time in the movie, my 8 year old son turned to me and said, “Mom, I know the hidden message in this story. It’s be true to yourself no matter what!”

My eyes filled with tears, I smiled and replied, “That’s a really great message isn’t it?” He nodded yes and hugged my arm.

Somewhere inside of me I knew that wasn’t the only message. I felt that there was more to be revealed and I was right. By the end of the movie the deeper message was revealed; Fear will destroy you and love conquers all.

This movie couldn’t have been more in line with my teachings and beliefs. I honestly didn’t plan this, but I am so thankful to the Universe for orchestrating this magical week-end play date.

You see, every day I strive to teach children and adults to allow love to guide them instead of fear and this movie just gave me another teaching tool!

I highly recommend seeing this movie with your children. There were several beautiful messages throughout the movie, but most important is that ‘Love conquers all’.

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

 

 

Release Your Pain & Be The Light

“Why can you not become enlightened? It is because of the obstacles in your mind and because the root of your pain is deep.” ~Hui Neng

As many of you know, I am currently writing a book to educate, enlighten and empower children and adults to be their absolute best. The writing process is quite interesting. It is truly an ebb and flow journey that causes you to soul search deeper than you ever imagined you would. For months I wrote fairly freely and everything was rolling along quite nicely and then I came to chapter 3 and experienced what is known as ‘writers block’.

This particular chapter is a very important chapter because it introduces the concept of core beliefs and helps us all to understand how beliefs we formed in childhood shape who we are today.

Instead of getting frustrated with my lack of free flow writing I removed myself from the computer for a while and began to ask the Universe for guidance. A funny thing happens when you ask the Universe for guidance…you get exactly what you’ve asked for!

According to Abraham-Hicks (The Law of Attraction, Esther & Gerry Hicks), “A belief is a thought that you simply keep thinking.”

We all have beliefs. We have beliefs about the world and how it works. We have beliefs about people and how they function. We have beliefs about ourselves and what makes us tick on a daily basis.

Chapter 3 of my book focuses on beliefs that formed in early childhood that we have validated over time. These beliefs were born from thoughts that we had about ourselves or life in general and they dwell deep within our hearts–at our very core.

A core belief that I have struggled with my entire life is that I am not good enough (another way to say this is not worthy). Many people look at me and think ‘I’ve got the world on a string.’ They have always seen my accomplishments as monumental, yet I have struggled to feel good about my own successes.

After a difficult, but enlightening lesson from the Universe (that I asked for) I can honestly say that I totally get where this came from now…

 

When I was a child my mom never sent me to school without a pretty dress and complete hairdo. I was made fun of for this because I was ‘too perfect’.

As the years went by I poured myself into art. I won several art contests and was made to feel that I was ‘favored’ by the art teacher because of my ability.

More time passed and I found my inner voice and became an accomplished singer. You can guess that this brought criticism from my peers as well.

I was just like every other kid, I wanted to be liked and I wanted to fit in, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that in order to do that I had to dim my own light.

As an adult, I am saddened to say, that I am still experiencing these ‘hits,’ so to speak when I accomplish something or speak my truth.

For the past few weeks this core belief of unworthiness has come up for me fairly strongly. I’ve been very hard on myself and unfortunately ‘dimming my own light’. Tonight I asked myself why I do this? Why is it that I cannot get past this obstacle?

The answer was within the pain of this belief.

As a child I learned to downplay my successes so that people would not make fun of me or cast me aside because they felt that my light was too bright. I’m sad to say that as an adult I was dimming my own light for this same reason, but who am I really helping if I am not being true to myself and beaming my own inner light?

Marianne Williamson teaches us that, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

I’ve come to realize that I am no longer that little girl who needs people to like her. Instead, I am a woman who has learned to like herself and love the little girl within.

I understand that no-one truly ignites their own light by dimming another and I hope you will see the same by finding your own inner light.

Don’t play small. Be who you are and allow all of your magnificence to illuminate the world because the only person, place or thing stopping you is…YOU.

I think it’s safe to say that I asked for guidance and the Universe delivered. I’m no longer ‘blocked’.

With Lots of Love & TONS of Light,

Vicki

 

What Children Are Really Communicating

Photo By: http://photography.ivanmcclellan.com/

Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion. ~Buddha

When babies cry everyone rushes to reveal what’s wrong and alleviate their stress.  It’s somewhat of an instinct in our culture. We understand that the only way that baby can communicate a need to us; be it hunger, a necessary diaper change, fatigue or discomfort is to cry out. No one wants to hear a baby cry, so we respond quickly. Unfortunately, as a child begins to grow and learns the language, we assume that they know how to communicate their needs effectively, yet do they?

As an elementary teacher I have come to know that even though children have more vocabulary words when they enter school, they still do not know how to communicate their needs. Often, children cry out to get their meet needs, but all we see is defiance instead of their plea for help.

Bella is an adorable 1^st grader who entered my classroom in September. I remember getting her kindergarten card and noting that she could be a handful at times. I put the card in my filing cabinet at the start of the year because I like to get to know my kids from my own perspective without previous judgments.

I call all of my students the week before school begins to get them excited about school (that’s just how I roll). We then have a ‘Welcome Back Picnic’ at our school to meet the parents and children in a friendly, welcoming atmosphere.

When I met Bella and her mom at the picnic, I noticed that Bella appeared to be ‘running the show.’ Her mom and I talked for a bit and she shared that Bella’s dad died when she was only eight months old and it was just the two of them still to this day. It was easy to see that mom was compensating for the loss.

Within the first month of school, I could certainly see why Bella had earned this reputation of being a handful. She could be a bit silly and somewhat defiant at times, however she knew the rules of our classroom and understood what kind of behavior was expected, so she did well with me.

Right after the December break things started to change. Bella was getting herself into trouble in several of her classes (art, music & gym). She was not listening to directions and defying the teachers when they asked her not to do something. She was also talking back to adults in the building and getting herself into trouble at her before and after school program.

Her mom and I talked on the phone to create a plan of action. I suggested a behavior plan to help her but asked mom to promise to follow through at home for this to be effective.  The plan worked for a few days, but Bella just didn’t seem to care about making good choices.

On a Friday afternoon (likely around a full moon) Bella’s plea for help became apparent. She got in trouble from the moment she entered the school. She needed a great deal of redirection from me and found herself in trouble everywhere she went that day. At lunchtime I got a phone call from the cafeteria asking if she was with me because she took it upon herself to leave the cafeteria without permission. This put several staff members in a state of panic.

I walked down the hall and found her. We sat down and talked about her choices and how this was not safe. She apologized sweetly and assured me it wouldn’t happen again. The children returned to the room and she asked to go to the bathroom. Five minutes later she was brought to me by another teacher who caught her fooling around in the bathroom.

I was outraged and caught up in the moment. I called her mom and asked her to meet me for an impromptu conference with Bella right after school. My intent was to make an impact on her by having an immediate meeting with mom because she appeared to have no remorse. She was talking the talk by saying how sorry she was, but not choosing to walk the walk and something needed to be done.

A few hours later mom arrived at the school with tears in her eyes. She expressed her disappointment and shared concern that she was failing as a mother. She told me that she was terrified that Bella did not have a bond with her because she suffered from post partum after giving birth and felt that this was all her fault. Bella was often in charge because she was afraid to give her consequences for fear that she would hate her. I reassured her that we would work through this together and come up with a plan.

When we entered the room, Bella ran up to her mom with a huge smile and jumped into her arms. This, of course made her mother cry even more. She was most upset that her daughter didn’t have any remorse for her actions.

While we were having the meeting, Bella sat there stone faced with a smirk at times answering our questions like a trained professional. Her mom asked her why we were having the meeting and she answered stoically, “We are having this meeting because I’m not making good choices. I’m sorry Mommy.”

I watched her and quickly noticed that she was not present. I looked into her eyes and said, “Bella, thank you for telling us what you know we want to hear, but what I’d really like to know is how you feel.” I referred to my children’s book, “The Light Inside of Me” because we use this frequently in our classroom to describe how we are feeling. I asked her if she felt that the light inside was bright or dim. She of course said it was dim.

I looked at her with loving eyes and said, “Bella, would you please put your hands on your heart and close your eyes because I’d like to talk about your feelings.” She complied without hesitation. I then asked her to use an ‘I Statement’ to tell us why her light was dim.

She took a few minutes with her eyes closed then opened them and looked right at me. Her whole demeanor was different. She was softer, gentler, and certainly in the present moment. She began to talk and tenderly said, “Well Mrs. Savini, my light is dim because I feel sad. I feel sad because sometimes I wish my life was different. I wish that one of my friends could live with me and my mom because I get lonely. I feel lonely Mrs. Savini and that makes me really sad.”

I gave her a big hug and told her that we would work this out together. Her smile lit up the room as her light within was beaming.

Bella was crying out just like an infant. Sure at six, children have words to express their feelings, but it’s difficult to do that when you are not sure of your truth. By asking Bella to place her hands on her heart and feel her feelings, she felt safe and was able to truly express her discomfort.

Our intent that day was to teach her a lesson, but the true lesson was in being compassionate instead of judgmental. By opening our hearts to her plea for help we gave her the opportunity to express what was really bothering her.  Bella and her mom made some simple changes at home and she has been a totally different kid from that time…her best self!

Our children are a mirror for whatever we are experiencing in life. We think we hide it well, but we don’t because they are not rationalizing our reactions in their heads. Instead, they are feeling the energy we are projecting. Bella wasn’t looking to break the rules or get in trouble. Instead, she was communicating a need that was born from her emotional pain.  Today and every day take a step back when your children are ‘acting out’ and really observe the situation. Treat them like infants and go to the core of their issue to solve the problem. Instead of judging their behavior and reacting with fear, take the time to respond by understanding what they are really communicating.