Guiding our children to shine their inner LIGHT by being our absolute best!

Posts tagged ‘raising kids’

I Approve of Me!

I had an interesting experience today at school. My kids had just come back to the room from a humanity special. The kids were transitioning into the classroom and chatting by their cubbies as they put their library books away. It was a typical transition period until I heard a brief conversation…

One of my young girls turned to another young girl and said, “Are you still mad at me?” Generally, I wouldn’t pay attention to this because we all get annoyed with friends once in awhile and we talk about it and work it out. However, it was the look in her eyes when she asked that told a deeper story.

I know the history of these two girls. One has a tendency to get upset when her friends don’t do what she’d like them to do. The other is a ‘pleaser‘ and just wants to make everyone happy. The pleaser had the puppy dog eyes when she timidly asked the question and you could tell that deep inside of her she was frightened that the answer would be yes.

The girls noticed that I was paying attention to their conversation and quickly scurried off. As they brushed by me, I caught the eye of my ‘pleaser’ and said, “Hey there, do you remember what we talked about at the last Girls Rule meeting?” She earnestly replied, “Yes. You taught us that we needed to believe in ourselves and remember that we need to approve of ourselves, not others.” I smiled and said, “Yes, and what else?” She began to smile and she replied, “I don’t ever have to give my power away. I need to like myself.” My eyes and her eyes gave a high five and she bounced back to her seat.

All too often our kids are searching for approval from not only their teachers, coaches and parents but also their peers. They look to others to validate their accomplishments, their thoughts, their feelings and their outer being as well. We teach them to strive for acceptance from a very young age without even realizing it. Unfortunately, we have set them up for failure without intending it.

How did we do this?

Well, think about it for a minute… From the moment you held that baby in your arms you smiled when they did things you liked. When they lifted their heads for the first time, when they lifted themselves for the first time, when they reached for a toy or food or you! You encouraged them with your smile (and clapping and cooing) and they learned very early on that they liked the way it felt when they made you smile. They also learned that you smiled when they did something that ‘pleased’ you, so what are they doing today with their friends?

You guessed it, looking for that smile in everything they do and say. (looking for approval)

Now, wait a minute Mrs. Savini, you mean to tell me I wasn’t suppose to encourage my child? No, that’s not what I am saying at all. In fact, I LOVE that you encouraged your child, you smiled at your child, you gave them approval, but now it’s time to teach them to approve of themselves so that no-one ever takes their power away.

It’s so critically important for us to teach our children to love and approve of themselves at a young age because if we don’t, then they will always search for approval from others. And, we all know that this becomes a long, lonely and sometimes heartbreaking road.

So how do we do this?

We give them a mirror.

1) Teach them how to do mirror work. It’s easy peezy, lemon squeezy! All you have to do, is look in the mirror and say something POSITIVE to yourself. ‘I like you’, ‘You’re a good writer’, ‘You’re a good friend’, You’re Important!’ My kids do this every Wednesday morning in school and I can see the positive impact it has on them weekly.

2) When they ask your opinion of them or their work or their behavior, hold up the mirror instead of immediately giving them your opinion. Get down on their level (physically), look at them directly in their eyes and ask, “What do you think?” Give them the opportunity to reflect on their own work, behavior and being before you offer your thoughts.

3) When they do something that pleases you, tell them but remember to encourage them to look at themselves as well. You may say, “How do you feel about this?” or “I’m so proud of you! You should be proud of yourself. Are you proud of yourself?”

By constantly reminding our children to look in the mirror (physically, mentally and emotionally) we are giving them their power back and teaching them to love themselves. A child who seeks approval from within is a child who will always find the light in the darkness and who will never, no never give their power away to another individual.

Teach them to approve of themselves and you’ll give them the gift of a lifetime!

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

VickiI-Approve-of-Me-seal

Not in Front of the Children

notinfront

This is a follow up from yesterday’s post-

I normally do not write back to back blogs, but if you read my last post you learned that I have a major concern with how much information our children are being exposed to in today’s society.

The moment my 1st graders began talking about the incident in Boston I felt a chill run up my spine because I just firmly believe that childhood is a precious time period that is dwindling before our very eyes.

I began surveying colleagues and other parents in the building to see how many of them had talked to their young children about the event or allowed them to watch the news. I was astounded when I heard that many of them not only talked to them but also allowed the kids to watch the news or were watching the news while the children were in the room or had an ear shot.

This effected me deeply, and I wasn’t clear why. Today as I was driving to school that clarity came to me…

On January 3, 1983, I was laying in my bed, in my red feetie pajama’s having a hard time falling asleep. As I laid there tossing and turning the phone rang in the dead of the night. I heard my mom answer the phone, gasp, and then respond, “No, no, that can’t be right. How can that be?” I sat up in my bed to get a better listen and then I heard my mom crying and my dad trying to comfort her. My eldest sister came in and was totally devastated.

I walked out of my bedroom and asked what was going on as my family began to come together. I was told to go back to bed, but I couldn’t because I was so concerned. My sister then told me that my cousin died and we would talk about it in the morning.

My cousin was a 27 year old attorney who was senselessly killed in the office of the firm where he worked. My family didn’t really talk directly to me about it in the morning-as promised, instead I heard the news and the conversations among family and friends.

My mom had pulled her back and was ‘laid up’ in bed so I would go and lay with her while she watched the news. At the age of 10 I was still innocent, vulnerable and totally energetically sensitive (as most children are).

As the news reporters would announce new findings and talk about how my cousin was blind folded, tied to his chair and shot in the head several times, I felt chills run down my spine and got an immediate visual which made me cringe at the thought of this wonderful man who I adored exiting life in this terrible way.

My mom would tell me to leave the room as they revealed details, but I still heard the news in the background.

Perhaps that’s why I never watch the news.

I find the news to be negative and down right depressing. My son is not exposed to the news or talk of the negative-fear based society we live in. I choose not to expose him to that because I am trying to preserve his childhood. Quite frankly, I think there’s plenty of time for him to hear about the darkness in the world.

I really don’t believe that parents think about what this negative news can do to a child.

We complain about violent video games and inappropriate cartoons because it fills their minds with negative thoughts and dark behaviors, yet we allow them to watch or listen to the news? That doesn’t make sense.

Mindfulness is the key to a peaceful society. We can start in our homes by being mindful of what our children are hearing and seeing.

If you really need to watch or listen to the news (especially when there is a tragic event-and you know we have several), please consider doing that when the children are not in the room.

If we truly want a more peaceful society, it needs to start at home. Immerse your children in love and happy thoughts as long as you can because childhood is our foundation and it’s simply too precious to ignore.

From a child who was exposed to news that forever changed her life, please hear my plea and become more mindful of what’s happening in front of the children.

Children are energetically sensitive. That means they pick up on energy around them before they hear or see. Stop and think about that for a moment and change the energy you allow your children to step into.

Let’s face it, the news doesn’t normally leave you with an uplifting or positive feeling. Our kids are already dealing with tons of pressure and negativity, do we really need to expose them to more?

Ask yourself if this is beneficial to the children in any way-does it uplift them? If not, consider waiting until the children are not in front of you to immerse yourself in the news if you so choose to expose yourself to that negativity.

It could make a HUGE difference in our society…

Lots of Love & Tons of Light,

Vicki

PS Try NOT tuning in for a week and see how you FEEL. You just might feel more uplifted yourself!